Ignorance is Bliss TV: Controlling What You Watch, and When You Watch It

Welcome, faithful Cause and Effect readers. This week, something a little bit different. In recent times, our writers have noticed that a new medium of entertainment, known at this time only as “television”, has swept through the nation, providing people with information about current affairs, entertainment news and Brian Cox’s continued plans of universal domination, as well as hard hitting dramas and comical cartoons to name but a few.

Not one to lag behind current trends then, the following is a list of shows that have been put forward for a new channel, Ignorance is Bliss TV, keeping our viewers completely misinformed on current events.

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Conservationist Unveils New Plan to Boost Funds and Interest in Conservation

Conservation is a thankless task.  Those you save are unable to communicate their gratitude, you fight the giants of industry and ignorance and you are completely reliant on donations.  In these times of economic uncertainty it is movements like conservationism that are hit the hardest.

Arthur Turnure, a magazine editor, sets to change this by using his knowledge of the glamour magazine industry to increase the money flowing into conservation.  He was elected Artistic Director of the World Wildlife Foundation (WWF) one year ago.  His first plan, “Kiss or Cull” was immediately implemented at the Kaziranga Tiger reserve in India.  The plan involves removing the “least adorable, least cool and least majestic animals” in a population and selectively breeding the most aesthetically pleasing. Continue reading “Conservationist Unveils New Plan to Boost Funds and Interest in Conservation”

Scientists Called In to Help Hunt for Gaddafi

After six months of fighting, the rebel forces finally invaded the Libyan capital of Tripoli. However, there is still unrest in the capital with reports of gunfights on the streets, though many feel  that the pro-Gaddafi forces will lose morale if Gaddafi himself is captured.  Intelligence services remain adamant that he has not left the country, leaving just 679,362 square miles to search.  The British government has turned to the scientific community for help.

Dr George Marsh, an ecologist from the University of Kent, was the first to accept the call.  His plan is known, officially, as “Quantative Understanding And Description of Rarely Apprehended Tyrants” (QUADRAT).  The QUADRAT system works by sampling a small area and then scaling these observations up for the entire country.

Continue reading “Scientists Called In to Help Hunt for Gaddafi”

Survey Reveals Scientists Make the Best Lovers

Dr Rose Cypris is a psychologist from the University of Rome who, until a month ago, was virtually unknown in the world of science.  That all changed with the publishing of her paper “Social Interactions Most Successful among Scientists” (Nature, Volume 476).  The paper details the results of an extensive study which documented the carnal relations of thousands of professionals.  The empirical and unbiased data clearly shows that those who partner with scientists report the highest feelings of satisfaction.

Continue reading “Survey Reveals Scientists Make the Best Lovers”

Anger at Lack of Higgs Boson Particle Sparks Riots in England

The discontent at the lack of knowledge about the Higgs Boson particle has finally reached breaking point this week, igniting riots across England.

The so-called “God” particle, originally predicted in 1964, is thought to be responsible for providing the mass of all other particles, but as yet, the amount of direct evidence for the elusive species is minimal. It is currently being researched in CERN’s Large Hadron Collider (LHC) by smashing protons together.

Continue reading “Anger at Lack of Higgs Boson Particle Sparks Riots in England”

Logger Once Again Kills a Species that Could Have Saved Lives

It’s been reported that a selfish Brazilian logger recently destroyed a rare species of plant, found only in the Amazon rainforest, which could have cured generations to come from a fatal illness, had its medicinal properties been fully realised. Continue reading “Logger Once Again Kills a Species that Could Have Saved Lives”

Scientists Discover Meaning of Life, Disappointed by Results

What the meaning of life could be is a question that has plagued scientists, theologians and philosophers alike for centuries. A group of researchers, led by Dr. Kyle Watson, at the University of Oxford may have won the race for an answer with a recent study conducted at the university. Continue reading “Scientists Discover Meaning of Life, Disappointed by Results”

Japanese Scientists Continue to Revolutionise Whaling Research

Whales are the graceful giants of the seas, they plunge depths unknown to both sunlight and human inquiry.  They are the result of natural selection sculpting and streamlining a land-dwelling mammal, and can reach gargantuan sizes thanks to the support of their oceanic domain.  It is surprising that the awe generated upon seeing one of these magnificent creatures has not inspired generation upon generation of whale watchers.  This, however, is all set to change with the first, of a planned twelve, monthly articles published by the Institute of Cetacean Research (ICR). Continue reading “Japanese Scientists Continue to Revolutionise Whaling Research”