New Pope to be Chosen by Celebrity MasterChef

Sources from Vatican City have stunned the world on Monday, not only by announcing His Holiness Benedict XVI had resigned, but also that the next pope would be selected from a list of candidates participating in a special edition of Celebrity MasterChef.

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Scientist Admits to Playing God

Dr David Coeles, a geneticist at the Cavendish Laboratory at the University of Cambridge, has revealed that he has been “playing God” for the past few years.

Dr. Coeles admits “flirting” with the idea much earlier, having being previously accused of playing God by anti-GM protestors worried that his “apples of knowledge” would cross breed with less “intelligently designed” apples. However, after his most recently published paper “Garden of E. coli” (Nature 494), Dr. Coeles admitted “I am the Way the Truth and the Electromagnetic Radiation.”

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