Dylan, Shakespeare and Brexit Unlikely Winners in 2016’s Nobel Announcements

The Nobel Prize was established by explosive Swedish inventor Alfred Nobel in the late 19th century, and has been awarded to some of the greatest minds to ever exist in science and literature in the last 100 years. Ignorance is Bliss News has rounded up 2016’s winners below.

Physics

Singer-songwriter Bob Dylan, for his set of equations which have described natural phenomena in a remarkably wide range of fields.  Dylan’s 115th Law allows for the estimation of the distance travelled by a male human before he reaches manhood (at least 12 roads), and how many deaths it takes before western society decides that too many have died (only one, providing it’s a sufficiently young child).  Continue reading “Dylan, Shakespeare and Brexit Unlikely Winners in 2016’s Nobel Announcements”

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Local Teenager Totally has a Subatomic Girlfriend, Trust Us

Local boy Sam Smith, 17, was heard in the playground loudly claiming that he ‘so does have a girlfriend’ and that she’s ‘well fit and up for it, all the time’. When asked why none of the other students had ever seen her, Mr. Smith was heard to reply ‘…you can’t observe her because she might collapse into a less sexy state. Did I mention she’s very sexy? Because she is.’

Continue reading “Local Teenager Totally has a Subatomic Girlfriend, Trust Us”

PM Urges Tighter Regulations on Neutrinos

After successfully defending the nation’s children from pornography (and dating, drugs, alcohol, tobacco, file sharing, gambling, games, social networking, suicide, self-harm, weapons, violence, socialism, hats and clouds) whilst not actually needing parents to do anything the British Primer Minister has a new target. Neutrinos.

Continue reading “PM Urges Tighter Regulations on Neutrinos”

Scientists Suggest Superluminal Santa

Scientist at the OPERA (Oslo Polar Electromagnetic Resonance Analyser) in Norway have detected the common reindeer, Rangifer tarandus, travelling faster than the speed of light.  A fundamental law of physics, proposed by Albert Einstein, is that nothing is able to travel faster than 299,792,458 meters per second.

The OPERA is part of a lesser known collaboration between Scandinavian scientific research institutes known as CERN (Centre for the Experimentation of the Real and Not-real).  OPERA falls safely into the “N” category.  OPERA lies 1,400 metres beneath the University of Oslo’s department of Theoretical Astrophysics.  This latest experiment was a combined effort between the University’s Astrophysics department, who designed the 1800 tonne detector (an array of electronics and carrots that reindeer are found of), maintain the 73km track which the reindeer travel along and analyse the complex results once the Reindeer reach the detector, and the University’s Animal Management department who supplied the carrots. Continue reading “Scientists Suggest Superluminal Santa”

Anger at Lack of Higgs Boson Particle Sparks Riots in England

The discontent at the lack of knowledge about the Higgs Boson particle has finally reached breaking point this week, igniting riots across England.

The so-called “God” particle, originally predicted in 1964, is thought to be responsible for providing the mass of all other particles, but as yet, the amount of direct evidence for the elusive species is minimal. It is currently being researched in CERN’s Large Hadron Collider (LHC) by smashing protons together.

Continue reading “Anger at Lack of Higgs Boson Particle Sparks Riots in England”

Scientists Discover Meaning of Life, Disappointed by Results

What the meaning of life could be is a question that has plagued scientists, theologians and philosophers alike for centuries. A group of researchers, led by Dr. Kyle Watson, at the University of Oxford may have won the race for an answer with a recent study conducted at the university. Continue reading “Scientists Discover Meaning of Life, Disappointed by Results”

Colour-blind Man Afraid He May Just Be Travelling Too Fast

A colour-blind man has recently publicised concerns about his condition, fearing that he may be moving too fast through space and time, resulting in colours shifting towards the blue end of the visible light spectrum. Continue reading “Colour-blind Man Afraid He May Just Be Travelling Too Fast”