Not since the wheel has one invention so indisputably changed the fate of humanity – a single spark which has illuminated irreversibly the human experience. Ever since man first looked at his hand he has thought “How I wish my phone could talk to me”.
It was August the 9th 2011, a day that will live forever, when Apple released Siri and changed everything, again, for the third time.
Apple were secretive of their latest innovation until recently registering a patent revealing the techniques used by Apple. The technology behind Siri has all the trademarks of an Apple leap forward, both simple and genius. Each iPhone contains the soul of a Chinese worker who used to work at the Foxconn factories responsible for the manufacture of iPads and iPhones – it is this soul that does the amazing job of Siri.
The patent reveals how each worker “gives up [their] body” allowing their souls to become incorporated into the one button device.
The patent reveals the condition’s for the average worker entombed inside an iPhone; “cramped, dark and hot” the workers also experience “small electric shocks” every time an iPhone owner contacts Siri. Employee feedback has been positive with workers reporting an “improvement” form their previous jobs in the factory, with Foxconn also reporting employees “throwing themselves” at the project.
Overall employee health has improved since being confined behind the Apple logo. Reports of stress and “suicidal protests” have also reduced. Employees have been able to rest more as even the most dedicated iPhone users eventually stop playing Angry Birds and “do something else.”
The strategy is being lauded as an excellent use of “resource management” and “removal of pesky human rights issues” by business experts.
The revelation has not been welcomed by all members of the international community. Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney has highlighted concern that this is another example of “more jobs being lost overseas” and that it “should be American souls which are trapped behind that liquid glass prison”.
Apple also announced at a press conference that the release of Siri’s inner workers are just the start of some larger developments set to be implemented in the future. Timothy D. Cook, the current CEO of Apple, has suggested that the technology may be used to bring Steve Jobs back so that he may serve as CEO for eternity, so that his infinite wisdom concerning pricing strategies and imaging may be heard for generations to come. When asked if such comments were “too soon” about the recently deceased Mr. Jobbs, Cook replied “It is never too soon for a new Apple product”
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