Three Dead as Scholar Tells Children Only They Can Save the World

A professor is being questioned by police after it was revealed that he had told three village children to go out on a dangerous adventure, showing a complete lack of responsibility and disregard for their safety.

“What could have possibly gone wrong?” the professor is reported to have said. “They’re at least, what, 13? I’ve known them for years too – they’re capable,” he claimed, despite having only found out their names and genders that morning, and knowing full well that the inept children had trouble surpassing even the most basic of obstacles. “Even if they did get hurt, they could just go to bed and heal right up, ready for another day of fighting evil.”

“Wait, you mean those cats just outside of town weren’t out to get them? Good exp though,” he added, while the police alerted the RSPCA.

When questioned on why he had sent a group of children, who probably had names like Skylar or Nafrat, or NAME for parents in a rush, out to, as he put it, “defeat a great, slumbering evil” instead of calling the local authorities or government, he declared he was unaware that there was any form of government in his sleepy peasant village at the foot of a mountain. He claimed that money would never be an issue either, being available from defeated foes and neighbours’ pots. “I was always planning on sending out some of my aids to provide them with items anyway,” the professor stated. “Not as though they have any other work to do.”

Prior to their tragic fate, the children were under suspicion of theft, vandalism, animal abuse and the carrying of illegal performance-enhancing substances.

CCTV footage reveals multiple enemies, incredible magic attacks and a crappy ATB system.

The exact series of events are currently unclear. It is believed that one of the children had overslept, being woken up by his mother alerting him of his tardiness, despite apparently not knowing the time herself. Upon meeting with his friends and the aforementioned scholar, the professor then sent them out to stop an approaching doom. Despite the somewhat short notice, the mostly single parents were apparently unperturbed and willingly went along with the idea. Reports of the fateful encounter are coming in though, with each of the suspected murders apparently occurring in turn. Why the children were unable to get away safely is unclear.

“I assumed they’d eventually be strong enough to complete their mission. But apparently the villains were waiting in the next town. I doubt they even got through ten low level random encounters,” a visibly distressed parent stated.

Police are reportedly having trouble deciphering exactly what happened, with each witness statement currently being limited to one repeated sentence.

Police are reportedly having trouble deciphering exactly what happened, with each witness statement currently being limited to one repeated sentence.


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