Japan Plant “Unready” For Godzilla Attack

Japan’s crippled Fukushima nuclear plant is not fully prepared for the impending death and destruction of the Godzilla attack likely to be hitting them soon, officials admit.

Tokyo Electric Power (Tepco), which runs the plant, have stated that some of the reactors are uncovered, leading some to fear that the alluring smell of uranium may attract the giant mutant lizard, who is believed to be a fan of radiation.

Godzilla is expected to hit the plant as early as next Tuesday, with some sightings already being reported of the monster emerging from his watery residence in the Pacific Ocean.

Fukushima was heavily damaged by the deadly 11 March quake and tsunami.

“We have made utmost efforts, but we have not completed the rebuilding of the plant at this moment in time,” stated a Tepco official. “Currently, our weapons systems would only be able to restrain Gojira for a small amount of time, after which we would be helpless before the rampaging might of the 200 foot reptile.”

“We are particularly vulnerable to fire breath,” continued the visibly distressed plant worker.

Evacuation plans have already been put into action, with those living within a 80km radius being advised to watch for tell-tale ripples in their cups of water signaling the approaching behemoth. Within a 30km radius, residents have been told to be on the lookout for anything out of the ordinary, such as overly large footprints, scorched forests and anything with teeth bigger than its face. Those living closer are recommended to have bags packed and alternative living arrangements organised, as well as any automatic assault rifles or 200 foot Mechagodzillas on hand in case of an emergency.

Any unfortunate people living on the expected route that Godzilla will take from Tokyo (Godzilla’s usual haunt) to the plant have been advised to disperse as well, lest they want to be “part of the rubble left in the towering giant’s wake.”

Critics have questioned why it was necessary for the plant officials to build a large neon sign near the plant, with bright lights thought to be a key factor to Godzilla’s usual aggressiveness in Tokyo.

Meanwhile, plant workers have started constructing a giant lantern, in the hopes of attracting Mothra so that it might act as a last-ditch defence mechanism.


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