In a controversial move in the medical world, experts are considering telling patients, who up until now thought that they were healthy citizens, that they are in fact complete dumbasses who should just save time and mace themselves every time they open their mouths.
For centuries it has been tradition to simply smile and nod at a patient’s ridiculous questions, giving them their medication and sending them on their way, with the belief that they have something in their noggin which resembles intelligence. This move is set to change all of that.
“Sometimes it’s a toss up on whether or not I tell a patient that they’re infected with a life-threatening disease, if their inane rambling is really getting to me,” says Jerry Hatcher, a GP in Cardiff.
“I think evolution would thank me,” he added.
The gape-jawed half wits that are frequently seen in your local surgery or A&E have apparently “taken the biscuit” this time, by demonstrating zero understanding of something which anyone who wasn’t a complete lout, dimwit, or altogether empty-headed ignoramus would just assume was common knowledge.
“I had one girl in here earlier that had no comprehension of STIs,” Hatcher continued, pulling his hair out in frustration over the mind-numbing fucktards he has to deal with on a daily basis. “She said she used a condom when she let her partners, which as far as I could tell included every 17-24 year-old within a 4 mile radius, go ‘in the back door’, which she claimed she hadn’t done for a while anyway, so she didn’t see how she could be pregnant.”
“Jesus Christ. I considered giving her a coat hanger and just telling her to go nuts to be perfectly honest.”
“Most doctors agree that the time has come to tell these people to get some semblance of an education. It would help them far more than any drug I could give them, even if it only includes reading a book or watching something other than Jersey Shore or The Only Way Is Essex on TV.”
The nation’s imbeciles have responded by saying that rather than these “pointless changes to the health system”, they would rather that it was just made “more awesome”, such as by handing out prescriptions “with explosions.”
Meanwhile, the country’s nurses are yet to comment on the situation and appear to be carrying on as they have done for years, placing air bubbles into annoying patients’ IV drips.