Colour-blind Man Afraid He May Just Be Travelling Too Fast

A colour-blind man has recently publicised concerns about his condition, fearing that he may be moving too fast through space and time, resulting in colours shifting towards the blue end of the visible light spectrum.

Ryan Jason, a photographer from Erdington, Birmingham, came to this conclusion when asking a client to “stand still”, only to be informed by said client that this is impossible, due to the velocity of the individual moving through the cosmos.

“One minute, I’m just standing there, trying to do my job and earn a living, and a minute later I’ve been told that I’m probably travelling at a speed of 2.7 million miles per hour through the universe!” exclaimed a still visibly shaken Jason.

“Relative to cosmic background radiation of course,” he hastily added.

He then went on to question whether others just see him as a blur, like “The Flash from the old DC comics”.

“Or maybe Usain Bolt,” Jason suggested, before striking a ‘To Di World’ pose.

It was this sudden realisation that caused him to question his inability to accurately distinguish between red and green, a problem he has suffered since birth.

“The doctors had always told me that I had some kind of ‘cone deficiency’ – now I’m not so sure. Judging from my current rate of movement, a Doppler Effect should occur, causing compression of space-time, resulting in a shrinking of wavelengths… right?” asked the deuteranopic individual, while throwing red jelly beans in the air, attempting to see some colour change as they travelled back towards him.

Despite reporters pointing out that, other than his clear misunderstanding of what his client meant, the green colours would also shift, making them look bluer in appearance as well, Jason appeared preoccupied, stating that if he “really tried”, he might be able to “travel backwards in time or something”.

Ryan

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