Ignorance is Bliss TV – Stream of Ignorance

We here at Ignorance at Bliss always have our fingers on the pulse of the latest cultural trends. And it just so happens that nowadays you can get televisions inside personal computers. So, in a desperate bid to remain relevant, we present to you Stream of Ignorance (not to be confused Theresa May’s Brexit strategy), the best place on the internet for on-demand programming.

Stranger Strings – When a young boy disappears, his mother and friends must venture into a realm made up of 12 dimensions in order to get him back. Horror/abstract thought may be disturbing for young viewers/engineers. Continue reading “Ignorance is Bliss TV – Stream of Ignorance”

World Looks on in Horror as Anti-Necrotic Resistance in Zombies becomes ‘Global Threat’

Zombies have now been found to be resistant to the majority of standard anti-necrotics.

“Walkers now seem to be immune to shotguns, flamethrowers, katanas and some are even impervious to chainsaws attached to hands,” explains Dr Ashcroft of Undead Monster Brain Removal Enterprise Limited, Los Angeles (UMBRELLA).

Continue reading “World Looks on in Horror as Anti-Necrotic Resistance in Zombies becomes ‘Global Threat’”

Dylan, Shakespeare and Brexit Unlikely Winners in 2016’s Nobel Announcements

The Nobel Prize was established by explosive Swedish inventor Alfred Nobel in the late 19th century, and has been awarded to some of the greatest minds to ever exist in science and literature in the last 100 years. Ignorance is Bliss News has rounded up 2016’s winners below.

Physics

Singer-songwriter Bob Dylan, for his set of equations which have described natural phenomena in a remarkably wide range of fields.  Dylan’s 115th Law allows for the estimation of the distance travelled by a male human before he reaches manhood (at least 12 roads), and how many deaths it takes before western society decides that too many have died (only one, providing it’s a sufficiently young child).  Continue reading “Dylan, Shakespeare and Brexit Unlikely Winners in 2016’s Nobel Announcements”

Hurricane Matthew Destroys Every Relationship He Touches

Yet another relationship has ended in disaster for Matthew, a 14 day-old hurricane from the Caribbean, as he could do nothing but watch his destructive tendencies spiral out of control, blocking any chance he had of ever reigniting the romance he shared with a local Tropical Storm, Lisa. Continue reading “Hurricane Matthew Destroys Every Relationship He Touches”

Ignorance is Bliss TV: Controlling What You Watch, and When You Watch It, Part II

Welcome, faithful Cause and Effect reader. Following the recent success of our broadcasting schedule for the new medium of Television, Ignorance is Bliss TV has returned for more high-quality viewing. See below for the full list of programmes.

Continue reading “Ignorance is Bliss TV: Controlling What You Watch, and When You Watch It, Part II”

Wikipedia Blackout, Senators Now Unsure What They’re Voting On

Congressmen across the US admit they’re not entirely sure which way to vote, after the online encyclopaedia website Wikipedia, amongst others, decided to go on a 24 hour blackout today in protest of the upcoming SOPA and PIPA bills. The website, usually a beaming beacon of intellect and reliable sources[1], is often where politicians look for answers to topics they are unfamiliar with, such as science, history and politics.

Continue reading “Wikipedia Blackout, Senators Now Unsure What They’re Voting On”

Three Dead as Scholar Tells Children Only They Can Save the World

A professor is being questioned by police after it was revealed that he had told three village children to go out on a dangerous adventure, showing a complete lack of responsibility and disregard for their safety.

“What could have possibly gone wrong?” the professor is reported to have said. “They’re at least, what, 13? I’ve known them for years too – they’re capable,” he claimed, despite having only found out their names and genders that morning, and knowing full well that the inept children had trouble surpassing even the most basic of obstacles. “Even if they did get hurt, they could just go to bed and heal right up, ready for another day of fighting evil.”

Continue reading “Three Dead as Scholar Tells Children Only They Can Save the World”

Scientists Suggest Superluminal Santa

Scientist at the OPERA (Oslo Polar Electromagnetic Resonance Analyser) in Norway have detected the common reindeer, Rangifer tarandus, travelling faster than the speed of light.  A fundamental law of physics, proposed by Albert Einstein, is that nothing is able to travel faster than 299,792,458 meters per second.

The OPERA is part of a lesser known collaboration between Scandinavian scientific research institutes known as CERN (Centre for the Experimentation of the Real and Not-real).  OPERA falls safely into the “N” category.  OPERA lies 1,400 metres beneath the University of Oslo’s department of Theoretical Astrophysics.  This latest experiment was a combined effort between the University’s Astrophysics department, who designed the 1800 tonne detector (an array of electronics and carrots that reindeer are found of), maintain the 73km track which the reindeer travel along and analyse the complex results once the Reindeer reach the detector, and the University’s Animal Management department who supplied the carrots. Continue reading “Scientists Suggest Superluminal Santa”

Someone is Behind You

The contents of this article may be too scary for some readers. Parental guidance is advised. In fact, no one should read this. You will literally be scared to death. What’s that you say? You like to be scared? You like being unable to sleep at night, afraid that if for just one second you close your eyes, you could be killed, possessed or worse? Well then, faithful Cause and Effect viewer, brace yourself for pure terror and read on…

Reports coming in this Halloween weekend are suggesting that someone is actually standing right behind you, though confirmation is still required on whether it is a person or a spiritual being from the very depths of Hell itself. Having looked behind you and shakily assured yourself that no one was there, some have argued that you must just be hallucinating that unexplained shadow coming over your shoulder and imagining how cold it suddenly feels. Continue reading “Someone is Behind You”

Mothers’ Sayings Turn Out to be True, Boy with Square Eyes Discovers

This past week traditional mothers’ sayings are turning out to be true and influencing real life. The discovery was initially made by 8 year old Jason Cracknell, who, despite repeated warnings by his mother, realised that he had square eyes after “sitting in front of that damn screen” for 6 hours straight. Continue reading “Mothers’ Sayings Turn Out to be True, Boy with Square Eyes Discovers”